Before goodbyes

This is strictly from my point of view as a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints. I do not wish to offend anyone.

I wrote this immediately after it happened but I needed time to calm down.

This morning I defended my religion again with my husband. He read a newspaper article that one of my friends on Facebook had posted on her profile. It was about being a Christian. Something in that article set him off about being meek. He took great offense to it saying he's not weak. Then he started being irate because he thinks other religions are older than christianity. According to him, christianity has only been around for 800 years. I told him I don't know enough about other religions to make a statement on them.  We then looked on the internet about India and Hinduism. I think I was able to alleviate his concerns about that. Then he went on to ask more questions but everyone I tried to answer he would talk over me by yelling or he would say I wasn't answering his questions. He dismissed everything I said because that is what I've been taught or brain washed. I replied that I was not a religious scholar. I asked him if he would like me to become one (many times).

I then explained that Adam and eve walked and talked with God and every other religion is a break off of this. I mentioned Caine and Able. Caine obviously fell away from God when he murdered his brother. Who's to say that he didn't start a form of religion. My husband then said that no matter what answer I gave him it would never be good enough.

Then on TV there was a segment on the morning show that was about the Catholic church having women hold the priesthood. I said women shouldn't hold the priesthood. Women have divine roles of bearing and raising children and if more of them focused on teaching their children about love the world would be a much better place. He did agree with me on this point.

Holding the priesthood is a great blessing and responsibility and I don't want it.

My husband then went on to rant about all the injustices in the world: children getting raped, killed, etc, earthquakes, shootings, etc. I tried explaining that the innocent people who die will have their reward in Heaven. The same goes for the person did the injustices-they will be punished. My husband said that they are still breathing. I replied that Heavenly Father will make sure they will have their just desserts. Plus we are not supposed to be judging others. 

My husband then said what if God doesn't exist. I told him how I know (grandfather watching through my window after he had passed away). I shared about Lani's healing. He dismissed Lani's healing as a test error. I got to the point where I said that I will refuse to talk religion with him ever again. I told my husband that he could believe whatever he wanted to believe but please do not force me to believe what you believe. I have never forced my religion on him.

I then moved to another room and he walked over to me and wanted a cuddle. I told him I couldn't do that right now. I then went to church. Before I left I said I loved because I do. (Sometimes I don't think love is enough.)

At church the opening song was, "guide us o great Jehovah". The second line started out, "we are weak but thou at able, hold us with thy powerful hand". Then there was a talk about being united-2 neighbors had a dispute about a fence line. They argued and shouted, children weren't friends and didn't play with each other. One had to change their attitude, one had to have a change of heart. Someone else gave a talk about following the Savior. Church was what I needed.

My husband is always complaining that I have faith in something I can't see or touch yet I can see and touch him and I don't have faith in him. He said if he saw a miracle he would believe. I had a jar of buttons which he picked up and said that if he saw them float in mid air he would believe. I mentioned Lani and said that if he saw a miracle he wouldn't believe. He would say that it was something else. His reply was do you think I'm a fool, of course I'd believe that.

I am extremely frustrated with my husband and his anger over religion.

Goodbyes

I have been struggling this week with health concerns and a variety of personal issues. My husband told me to have faith because he does. He apparently has faith in everything. I held back laughter, rude, yes I know. I'll post my feelings on that later. So after he left I thought I'd say a prayer. I received an answer immediately. I don't think I've ever received an answer so quickly. At that precise moment a dear friend and her family dropped by to say goodbye. I thought they had already left. In fact, I was thinking about them only an hour earlier and thinking I needed to send her a text to tell get how much I was going to miss them.

This was a great and unexpected answer to something I didn't know I was even searching for until I pondered on it. I know where my faith lies and as much as it hurts to say this, it does not lie with my husband. Yes I love him but I don't believe love is enough.

My faith lies in something I cannot see but believe in with all my heart. I have hope. I have love.

Tonight I have said goodbye to a friend that means the world to me. Even though she has only moved across the country, I can only hope and pray that I can see them again, on earth.

I have also reflected on my life and I have to say goodbye to a part of me as well. It is in order to change my life for the positive. I'm truly grateful for answers to my prayers!

In the beginning...

I'm new to blogging so your patience is appreciate.  

I wanted a way for my family and friends to know what is happening and how I'm doing. 

I turned 43 this week and it has been an amazing week! Sunday I talked with my Mom and Bailey. 

 

Ian threw a surprise birthday party for me on Wednesday.  Ian told me we were going swimming and to throw on some "bathers".  I asked if I should change and Ian said no, we'll just eat dinner around the pool.  So I throw PJ's over my bathing suit and low and behold Cherie and Jason, Ramona and Patrick, Tine, Bro. Bishop and his family, Ra and her family, Alston, Chris and Ian were all there to wish me a happy birthday.  It was a wonderful surprise!  Ian got me a beautiful white camera with a switchable lenses.  Thank you Ian.  I am learning to love you again. 

 

That reminds me, I went for an eye exam on Tuesday and I am so lucky I get to wear bi-focals!  Ian helped me pick out a really cute style.   

 

I also found out I was awarded a scholarship on Wednesday to convert my teaching degree from the States to an Australian teaching degree. 

 

We spent the night at the Casino (thank you Alston for a great birthday). 

 

I received the care package (soft batch cookies, EL Fudge cookies, goldfish, sloppy joe mix, salad dressing mix, velveeta mac and cheese, a dog magazine and candy).  Thank you Mom! It arrived on Thursday and then evening I taught the YW to make an accordian photo album books.  They did an amazing job!

 

Friday, well Friday was the best because I got some time off work so I could talk to all my children! They all went up to Aubrie and Justin's for Thanksgiving.   

 

 

 

I don't think my children know how much they mean to me.  I love them more than anything! 

 

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

 

That describes my time talking to my children.  I love my children!  I counted the hours down when I could Skype with them.  I didn't want the conversation to end.  They make me happy.  They bring me true joy!  I am sorry for my mistakes, from the bottom of my heart.  I am thankful for their forgiveness and love!  I honestly could not ask for better children.  Each and every one is a great example to me and I am so thankful for them!